Receiving a terminal diagnosis raises a flood of emotion. For those living in rural communities with limited medical resources, an additional fear can be the need to travel hundreds of miles for doctor’s appointments or face hospitalization in a city far from home.

When Marjorie Wright of Gwinner, N.D., received such a diagnosis, she immediately knew she wanted something better. Without hesitation, she requested hospice care and was delighted to stay and be well cared for right in her home.

A cheerful, friendly woman in her mid 80s, Marjorie returned to North Dakota several years ago after living all over the country. She had grown up on a farm in rural Lisbon, but left the area as a young woman, first moving to Milwaukee in the early 1940s, and then to Orlando, Florida, where she worked in the cafeteria of a military base.

It was there she met her future husband, Bill, who she describes as a “southern gentleman, and a persistent fellow; he kept wanting to date me.” Bill’s persistence paid off, and he and Marjorie eventually married. Bill’s career took the family across the United States. Both of their children, Melissa and Steven, were born in Georgia. Eventually, they settled in New Mexico.

Always adventurous, Marjorie decided to pursue a nursing career once her children were in school. In 1960, she graduated in the second practical nursing class at a local hospital, and went on to spend 14 years working as a practical nurse. “I was always very healthy, and very active,” Marjorie explains, reflecting on her many years. The only exception was a cervical cancer diagnosis in her late 30s. She beat the cancer, and lived the next 45 years as a cancer survivor.

After her husband passed away, Marjorie returned to the Gwinner area, eventually settling into a cozy townhome where she resided between her busy travels. She remained active, and especially enjoyed hiking and gardening. Her contributions to the Gwinner community were many. She often weeded the park near her home, wanting the children in the community to have a nice place to play. The town even honored her work by naming “Wright Park” in her honor.

Marjorie spent the winter of 2012 in Arizona, visiting her daughter, Melissa, as she had so many previous winters. “I had no idea anything was wrong, I felt really good,” Marjorie recalls. Things changed, however, when she came back home in May.

“In June, I started having back pain. I decided I should go to the doctor in Oakes, and the doctor decided to do a CT scan. I don’t know exactly what he saw, but it mustn’t have been good,” she remembers. “After looking at all the tests, the doctor explained the cancer was quite advanced, having already spread to the liver and lymph nodes,” Marjorie explains. “So, the doctor wondered what I wanted to do. He said, ‘Well, I could do the surgery, but the outcome of surgery and treatments may not be good and your quality of life may be less,’ and he didn’t want to put me through that unless I really wanted to.”

Instead, Marjorie made the decision she felt was best for her. “I told the doctor, ‘No. I had heard some good things about hospice.’” First, however, the doctor asked Marjorie to visit a specialist in Fargo for a second opinion, which she obliged.

“The doctor in Fargo asked if I wanted more tests, and I said no. I said, ‘I’d just like to sign up with hospice.’ He got on it right away, and signed me up with Hospice of the Red River Valley.”

Marjorie’s decision to forgo treatments and surgery for her advanced cancer has instead allowed her to focus on quality of life, and enjoying the same things she always has, while she still can. Marjorie partly credits her decision to ask her physician for hospice care based on the experience she had watching the wonderful care her brother, Richard, received from Hospice of the Red River Valley before he passed away in 2010.

Marjorie came under the care of Hospice of the Red River Valley in late July. To her delight, a close family friend, Pearl, was even assigned as one of her hospice nurses.

“I couldn’t want for a thing,” Marjorie says about her experience on hospice care. “My daughter came home from Arizona for a week, and we had a real good time. We had quality time together, allowing us to do some paperwork and things we need to take care of. I try to make all the preparations I can for my time here, and be ready for when it’s over.”

Most importantly, although Marjorie lives alone, she’s been able to have her symptoms managed right in the comfort of her own home. With Hospice of the Red River Valley, and the support of friends and family collaborating in her care, she’s been able to stay in the rural community she loves.

In addition to nursing care to regulate her medications and ensure she is comfortable, Marjorie receives visits from a hospice social worker and chaplain. The social worker has helped her get financial items in order, and the chaplain often sings to her on his visits. “He’s very nice to visit with,” Marjorie says with a smile.

Marjorie has seen how Hospice of the Red River Valley staff has provided comfort to her family, as well. “My daughter was worried, but I told her, ‘Melissa, you don’t have to worry about me, I don’t want for anything.’ I try to ease her mind a little bit. The nurses and social workers have been calling her, too, and she really appreciates it.”

Pearl has seen the positive effects of Marjorie’s optimistic attitude. “Marjorie just doesn’t dwell on how sick she is, or how sick she feels, at all,” Pearl explains.

Marjorie understands many other people may, at some point, struggle with a diagnosis like hers and will need to make decisions about care. She encourages people to consider hospice.

“I’ve already told a lot of people about hospice, because I’ve just had such wonderful care,” says Marjorie. “If people do ask, I tell them, ‘I have nothing but good things to say about hospice.’ I’ve just had wonderful care. They just meet my every need. I just think it’s a wonderful organization.”

“The love they shared and demonstrated was unbelievably strong—a relationship many people had never witnessed.”  

“We have talked, and we have prayed we will be able to leave this earth together.”

Irvin and his wife of 69 years, Cora, shared this decision with their daughter, Pat, several times during the last months of their lives.

Irvin and Cora’s love story began like many others. After meeting on a double date, they married on December 20, 1941 in Halstad, Minnesota. Together they raised two children, daughter Pat and son Jerry.

Pat remembers fondly how tight-knit and special her parents’ relationship was, filled with love for one another, and for others. “My Dad often said, ‘we’ve never known any strangers,’” recalls Pat with a smile. “Even at the age of 96, they were still adding new friends to their Christmas card list.”

Irvin and Cora remained remarkably independent into the late years of their lives, which Pat attributes to the support they provided one another. “My parents did everything together—through times of good health and declining health,” Pat says. “When one was not well, the other was able to provide the strength to keep them as independent as possible. “

Irvin’s first hospitalization was at 85 years old; while Cora’s first major health issue occurred at age 89. However, Cora and Irvin continued to live quite independently until the last two years of their lives, when more assistance became necessary. “Their caregivers often told me, ‘you never have a bad day when caring for Cora and Irvin,’” remembers Pat. “The love they shared and demonstrated was unbelievably strong—a relationship many people had never witnessed.”

In July 2010, Cora was hospitalized for a heart condition. Her physician was very direct, telling the family Cora’s condition was irreversible.

“While we somewhat expected to hear our 95-year old mother was in a fragile state, hearing she had two months to live was a shock,” recalls Pat. The physician recommended hospice care.

Cora began receiving care from Hospice of the Red River Valley. At the time, Cora and Irvin were living at a long-term care facility in West Fargo. The family was pleased to learn another move would not be necessary, and that Hospice provided care right where Cora and Irvin called home.

Still, the idea of losing their mother, and their father losing his wife of 69 years, was difficult for Pat and her brother. “We didn’t know what or how to tell Dad,” she remembers. “We appreciated the support and assistance Hospice provided to make the discussion easier for my Dad, and our entire family.”

Pat fondly recalls the attentive care her mother received during her months on Hospice care. Irvin, in fact, was so pleased with the care Cora received from volunteers, CNAs, social workers, chaplain and nurse; he asked if he might receive the same attention.

Initially, Irvin didn’t meet the medical guidelines for Hospice services, despite his age of 96. However, two months later a second evaluation confirmed his medical conditions made him eligible.

“He was so happy to be able to share the same caregivers with Mom,” Pat remembers. “Now, through Hospice care, they were able to share the same experiences, just as they had throughout their lives together.”

Despite her original prognosis, Cora surpassed her physician’s expectations. “Even after eight months, there was no change in how Hospice caregivers responded to her needs,” Pat says.

The last few weeks of her parents’ lives Pat describes as a roller coaster, “One day Dad would be weaker and Mom would be stronger, and the next day or week the situation would be reversed.”

Even during the chaotic final weeks of their lives, Pat cherished that her parents’ continuum of care was never compromised, even when Cora’s condition required a higher level of care with a nurse at the bedside 24 hours a day.

Pat recalls how supportive their nurse, Derek, was of her parents. “When it was evident Mom’s journey was coming to an end, Derek explained to Dad what he could expect. He encouraged Dad to continue to talk to Mom and reach out to her as they had all their married life. When Derek asked Dad if he had any questions or concerns, Dad’s comment was, ‘I guess I will just have to hang on the best I can. I always thought I should go first.’ Derek made Dad comfortable, so he could say what was on his mind in his own stoic, Norwegian way.”

The last chapter of Irvin and Cora’s 69-year love story closed on April 10, when Cora passed away with Irvin’s hand on hers. Irvin closed his eyes as Cora took her last breath. “Dad did not respond when we told him Mom had passed. He never reopened his eyes, nor did he say another word,” Pat remembers.

Irvin died just six days after his beloved wife, on April 16. As a way to commemorate their relationship, the family decided on a joint obituary and funeral for both Cora and Irvin. “After all, they did basically leave this earth together,” Pat explains.

With the help of Hospice, Cora and Irvin’s end-of-life journey allowed them to maintain their dignity in a peaceful and comfortable manner, never compromising their close relationship.

“Hospice was very supportive, kept us informed of the changes, and treated our thoughts and concerns with respect and reassurance of what to expect,” Pat explains. “Most importantly, rather than centering our thoughts on only the dying process, Hospice was respectful of our request to concentrate on celebrating my parents’ lives, and their love.”

If you have questions about hospice care, please contact us at 800-237-4629 or questions@hrrv.org, or visit our website.